Part 128: Joke Weapons

Hey, I'm back!

Today, we'll look at a staple of the Tales series: Joke weapons! In Vesperia, you get them from Sicily, our crazy Italian friend.


We can find him in Heliord. Technically, this scene is skippable without losing out on anything, but might as well, right?





Oh, buona sera! How have you been?
Oh, it's Mr. Sicily!
I swear, that kook is definitely following us.
Professor Sicily... I missed you, jarnk!!



I've been very well, jaaaarnk! It looks like you've been well too, Professor Sicily! Jarnk!
Sterrilow...? That's not his name...
So what? Karolow doesn't seem to mind, anyway.



Get him, Repede!
Woof!







Woof woof!



Yeah, you can count on Repede. He's more reliable than most humans I know.
So he can really fight after all... He has a weapon too!
That's right! Repede's faster than just about anything!
Woof!



Huh? Now you've taken an interest in Repede...?
Si, I think so...I think I could make something very nice... But could he really use it to its full potential...?
It seems like...you have something on your mind.
Be quiet, jarnk! Professor Sicily is thinking!
Hmmm, it looks like this dog should be able to use it! Si!
What's that? Something about Repede?
Just wait un momento. I will make you something very good...



Are you making fun of me? How dare you! How daaaare you!



Wow, yer sure fast at this stuff...
I think this should be just right for your canine amico!


Speed Up 2: Increases the speed of artes during Over Limit.
FS Bonus 2: Recover TP every time a Fatal Strike hits an enemy.
Speedy Item: Items can be used immediately in a row without cooldown time.

It looks like it's a weapon for Repede.
Now this is something we can use!
Woof!
You're the greatest, Professor Sicily! It's amazing, jaarnk!
Yeah, I've gotta say...thanks a lot.



Ah, I see.
G-good for you, Repede...
Is someone getting a little lonely because no one's interested in him lately?
Ha ha ha, whaddaya mean...? Enough with the jokes, Judith darlin'...
Well then, until we meet again, amici! Arrivederci!



Apparently, this scene also has a counterpart where you don't immediately get the Murakumo. According to a guide, it depends on Repede's level.


Hmmm, si... It appears you need to be a bit stronger first...
What's that? Something about Repede?
Your canine amico should come back when he is stronger! I'll make you something very nice if you do!
I hope it's not some lousy let down like Karolow X again...
Are you making fun of me? How dare you! How daaaare you!
All right, we'll be sure to swing by once Repede's gotten stronger than he is now.
Si, very good! Good luck!
I wonder if he's planning something crazy like last time?
I dunno. I can't wait for Repede to get a bit tougher so we can see what he's got up his sleeve.
We'd better hurry before that guy finds something else to get obsessed with.
You ready to work hard, Repede?
Woof!

[...]

Hmmm, your canine amico still isn't strong enough. Signor Dog, come back when you are more forte! More...robusto!
Oh, I see...
*Whimper*
At least it seems like he's still interested in Repede... We should hurry.

[...]

Oh, your canine amico looks much stronger than last time!
Woof!
I think maybe he'll be able to use it now... Just wait un momento, okay? I will make you something very good...



Anyway, after seeing or ignoring this scene, you can find Sicily over in Halure.






Hey, buon giorno!
B-buon giorno...
Professor Sicily! Buon giorno, jarnk!



Hmph, you're sure chummy all of the sudden...
So? What's wrong with that?
I-I didn't say there's anything wrong with it at all...!
Heh heh, you're a little jealous, eh?
O-of course I'm not...!
Come ta think of it, this is the exact same place where we first met ya. Ya countin' flower petals again or somethin'?
No, nothing like that... I just...



A great genius like Professor Sicily requires a lot of motivation, jarnk!
Well then, how about... How about you make us an awesome weapon?
He already made us a weapon for Repede, though.
Y-yeah... Maybe you could do something like that again...or not?

The above two lines are removed if you haven't seen the scene in Heliord.

Hmmm, si... Well... I can't say I'm too interested in weapons right now, but...well, you've been my amici for so long, so...maybe...
Y-you'll do it?
Hmmm... Si, if you'll do something to give me some motivazione, I'll make you a nice weapon!
Something to give you some motivation...?
Here he goes again with the crazy talk...
Every time you do one of these motivational things, I'll make a weapon for you!




These are phrased sort of vaguely, but it's still mostly clear what you're supposed to do. As the PS3 version has two more characters, it adds two additional objectives: "Synthesize a motivational amount of items!" and "Complete the 30 Man Melee in a motivational amount of time!".




Good luck, eh?
Wh-what are we supposed to do...?
I guess we're supposed ta be motivational like he said...?
...Hmmm, well, I guess there's nothing making us do all that if we don't want to.
Heh heh... Why not give it a try? It might be nice to spread a little motivation.


Alright, so:

For Yuri's weapon, get a combo of 200 hits or more in any battle.



O-okay...
I will give you this for your efforts!


Dragon Buster: Press Down + the attack button during jump to trigger a Dragon Buster attack.

Swing this through the air with a swish and swoosh! Tomorrow's victories await! Let's-a go!
Th-thanks...


For Estelle's weapon, get 35 or more Grade in any one battle. (25 Grade in PS3)



Yes, everyone worked very hard!
I will give you this for your efforts!


Sleep 'n Heal: Gradually recovers HP while under Sleep status.

With this beauty, you'll be able to perform a charming meowmeow attack! All the cats will be jealous!
Th-thank you very much...


For Karol's weapon, run away from fifty or more battles.



Yeah. It was pretty hard...
I will give you this for your efforts!


Heavy Weight: Body becomes heavy to prevent staggering. It also decreases speed.

Come on everybody, take a chance! We're going underground to do the Sicily dance!
I have no idea what you're talking about...


For Rita's weapon, ...I'm not sure, honestly. The Japanese wiki says something along the lines of "Maximum damage of 78k", which could mean in a single hit, or a single combo, or single battle even? The PS3 version dropped the number to 35k. Whatever it is, it's very easy to do accidentally as I've never seen anyone have trouble getting this weapon.



Geez...why do we have to do all this work?
I will give you this for your efforts!


Randomize: Casting time of novice/intermediate spells will be zero or doubled.
Lucky End: Occasionally allow character movement right after casting a spell.

How long is it? How short is it? Lungo! Corto! This is the basic tool of data measurement!
Okay, sure, but...are you saying that I can actually use this to fight?
A good scientist does not complain about her tools!
Hmm, I guess...


For Raven's weapon, have a million or more Gald on hand.



Yessiree. We worked our butts off!
I will give you this for your efforts!


Endless Shot: Release arrows continuously by holding the attack button. Occasionally knocks back enemies.
Vacance: Increases Max HP occasionally if a battle is won without attacking any enemies.
Cooking Plus: Occasionally increases the effect of cooking.

We all have a little bambino inside ourselves! But be careful with this! Learning responsibility is a part of growing up!
I dunno if I've got much growin' up left in me...


For Judith's weapon, win a thousand or more battles.



Heh heh. I hope it was motivational for you.
I will give you this for your efforts!


Temptation: Occasionally inflict Confusion on enemy by taunting.

This legendary and mysterious tool is now yours! Use it wearing a maid outfit, and it works twice as well!
I see. I'll do my best to put it to good use.


For Repede's weapon, finish any one battle in under two seconds.



Y-yeah... Well, it was all Repede...
I will give you this for your canine efforts!


Lucky Call: Occasionally revives from KO when Luck is over 100.
Lucky Plus 2: Increases base luck by 30.

Here's some yakitori! Nice and hot! Fresco e delizioso!
Woof woof! Woof woof!
Although I prefer the gizzard myself...
...

If you skipped the scene in Heliord, you also get the Murakumo here:

Ah, yes, perhaps this will help you too...



Th-thanks...




For Flynn's weapon, finish the Coliseum's 30 Man Melee in less than 90 seconds.



Yes. It made for some good training.
I will give you this for your efforts!


TP Support: TP consumption split with Flynn when using base artes near him during battle.

The spina are on the handle as well, so do be careful!
Huh? Don't you think that makes this weapon somewhat flawed?
Nonsense! Rosa spina are what makes the rosa! It would be a sin to remove them!
Is that so...?


For Patty's weapon, synthesize 200 or more items.



Aye! It was only a teensy weensy bit tough.
I will give you this for your efforts!


Burst Security: When getting a bad roll on a random technique, occasionally avoid taking damage.

Squid! Squid! And on top of that, it's a great emergency ration.
Dried squid certainly is tasty.
No one can resist squid salted and dried over night!
They're the KING of seafood!
The KING of seafood!
What are you two going on about?




After getting all of the weapons, you get an extra scene:



Truly, my amici, congratulazioni!
Yeah, I guess we did.
You've given me a lot of motivazione! Grazie!



What an interesting man.



Woof...
Wow, he was even getting on your nerves, Repede?
I don't know... I think he's an awesome guy.
Yes. And he gave us all sorts of rare items, too.
They're lacking in the usefulness department...





Some of the joke weapons actually do stuff apart from looking silly! Most via their skills:


Yuri's Shinai gives you an additional normal attack by pressing down + attack in the air:






Karol's 765kg Hammer (Another Namco Number reference, by the way) gives you effective immunity from stagger, but slows you down a lot. This only affects normal movement though.


Raven's Slingshot allows you to shoot arrows one after another by just holding the attack button, which is kinda neat but mostly useless.


Two of the weapons also give you unique 'joke' Artes!
Watch them here! / Baldurdash


Judith's Deck Brush gives, when combined with her maid outfit, this sweeping attack by holding the Attack and Arte buttons at the same time after an Arcane Arte:








Estelle's Cat Teaser gives you a cute alternate Burst Arte, again by holding down the Attack and Arte buttons:








...And this technically gives you nothing, but









Flynn's weapon is clearly the best.



As a small apology for the late update, here's a clip of what is probably my favorite generic in-battle quote:

Raven's Arte Preferences / Baldurdash

Ah, Raven...